Beautiful Absurdity

I feel happiest when laughing at absurdity, preferably my own. I have a tendency to take myself or life a tad too seriously, so I cherish those quick moments of clarity of how funny and ironic life is. Marching bands, wrongly used quotation marks on a sign, catching myself lying for no reason: they all paint a troublesome smile on my face. I squint my left eye a bit, as I grin evilly with the left side of my mouth. My sister knows this look too well. It's the same expression I make when talking about Christmas or my birthday.

I use to love dancing alone in my dark old apartment. I would make a whole night of it. Cheap champagne, weed, and a those black velvet stilettos that Chung gave me for Christmas. I had a whole playlist just for a Saturday night with nothing to do. The best music was always the music I would never admit to listening to. I NEVER want anyone to go rummaging in my iPod, there is some morally challenged music lurking in there, and you would probably come to deeply judge me. There is just something so freeing and awesome about turning up a great song really loud and rocking out, alone and uninhibited. Dancing in the dark pulled me out of so many funks in Luzern. I would smoke as I put on my heels, turn down the lights and turn up the volume. I got to give Chung props for the full wardrobe she provided me with for those solo-dance parties. A gold sequined dress, that awesome tinsel bolero, shoes, silk tops, Chung supplied all of it. The nights I was too tired to go out were spent dressed to the nine's, rocking out to some Otis Redding, or Chaka Kahn. The best cure for loneliness is to dance your heart out. "You Are The Best Thing," by Ray LaMontagne, is what got me to think about that. I'm grooving to it as I type. I love songs that remind me how great life really is.

I'm finding my point of view at the moment to be a bit lame. My positivity kind of left me after that girl tried to get me fired last week, and I am finding myself waking up in the morning with the wrong perspective. Between random drives to random places, searching for music that puts me in my place, and a lot of coffee in the morning, I am just trying to find a solution. I left work after an hour this morning because I felt sick. I spent the day in bed sleeping, watching filth on tv, and spending way too much time on Facebook. By tomorrow morning I have to get my shit together and get back in the mind set of baking with a smile. No one likes a whiner.