Sinking Sand

So last week was my first week at my new job. It's was long and hard, but I felt good if not tired at the end of each day. I was new to everything, and a lot of the time I had no idea what I was doing, but everything came out ok, and one way or the other I always made it out alive. I hate first weeks, and this was just one and the same: awkward and frustrating, with the constant feeling that everyone is looking at you like a leper. But I smiled, oh did I smile. I came to work with "Buenos Dios!" and left with a hearty, "Adios." I tried to stay out of the way, not mess anything up, and tried not to come off as the middle class-white girl that I am.

You can only imagine how weird it was for me to find out that the girl I work closest with actually went to our boss and told him that she didn't think I was the right fit for the job, and that he had made a mistake hiring me. She did this on my third day. THIRD DAY! Seriously, we can't atleast give me a week before trying to get me canned? This is a skilled job, every chef is different, but at the root of it, either you have the skills or you don't. Recipes are recipes, cakes are cakes, it's one and the same if you know what you are doing. If you know what you are doing. It's just so crazy to me. There are other things that factor in to the ridiculousness of the whole situation, but it still leaves me shaking my head. I went to work this morning actually looking forward to my work. I can't remember the last time I have had that happen, so it just kind of sucks to have someone want to shit on it.

In the end I plan on keep going to work, doing the best I can with what I know and hope that things turn out right. More then that I am not paid for. I try to put the best version of myself out there, and as much as I try not to be as sensitive to people's reactions, it's something that I continue to work on.

I still can't really complain though, I still feel good. Life in The Bay is good, the weather is great and I continue to find myself with an arsenal of quality friends and family. I'm trying to make my life the best one for me, that's it. I'm still glad I moved back, everyday reassures me that I made the right decision. So I'm going to just keep going with that. Tomorrow might just lead me to the beach, I'm looking forward to it. I have to.